Every once in a while I go back and wonder what would've happened if I'd done like everyone thought I should and applied myself to making a career as a lawyer.
On a practical level, given my general lack of aptitude taking tests (emphasis on taking them, it's habitual for me to go in well-prepared for a test, then panicking at the first multiple choice question, thinking it's a trick question, and repeating this process for the next X number of questions), I pretty much figure I would've given up after year one....but then again, maybe I would've found a way to survive, then go on to take and pass the bar, then go on to become a celebrated criminal defense lawyer, gotten a celebrity client off some murder case, written a tell-all book that landed at number one on the New York Times best-seller list, made me a hundred million dollars in fees, royalties, speaking engagements, selling my life story......
....and so on.
Occasionally, I get the bug in my ear. It's never too late, said bug will say. Remember that John Grisham book the Client? The lawyer who was played by Susan Sarandon in the movie went to law school in her 40s after a divorce, and....
..and enough.
Today was day one of jury duty, and without divulging anything too detailed, I'll just say this.
The defense lawyer made me realize that A) I could've aced law school, and B) Lionel Hutz is real and walks among us.
Well, maybe not a straight up Lionel Hutz. More a combo of Lionel Hutz and public defender John Gibbons from My Cousin Vinny (you remember him...."Ladies and gentlemen of the j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jury...."
Where the assistant district attorney was cool and collected addressing the jury, throwing case facts out there without batting an eye, found a way to memorize the names of everyone in the potential jury box and referred to them as "Mister or Ms. so-and-so" regularly, and just generally presenting himself as well put-together, the other guy sounded like he just took the Acela down from south Boston, waved papers at the jury on a regular basis, kept getting people's names wrong, and was interrupted by ADA objections (twice) and the judge, who cut him off for overstepping the line of proper conduct or over-complicating the process a half dozen times. He also ran over his alotted time, and was finally instructed to sit down by said judge.
I kept watching the defendant, and couldn't help wondering if he was sitting there thinking "where the fuck is Vincent LaGuardia Gambini when I need him?!?"